More Blogging

I think that I need to reinvent myself more than Madonna in the 80's, so I will. I think that I should blog more.... Or vlog. But the problem is that vlogging takes up sooooo much time. Here is a small-lived time where I tried to. Let us look...

Here was the first video...

Yeah, I know... I use a lot of periods.

I just kept the rage coming with many more.

Anyways, there was my short attempt at doing a video-a-day. Not really, ha ha.

Football Americano: Bad Sport, or WORST Sport?

I hate football. Let's just get that fact out of the way. I won't try to convert you, but really, it's not that great. I can watch it, but what's the point. I think that the only time that I even watched an entire sports game in its entirety was one time when (and I'm being completely honest) I was too sick to get up and move 5 feet to change the remote. Needless to say, I still remember that Boozer broke the record for the most consecutive shots made in a single game. But back to football. I hate it. I'm pretty sure that this subject can be shown from my point of view using three simple points.

1. History

2. Money

3. Loneliness

History of Football (American) by Justin Beard

Once upon a time, there were a bunch of men who worked in a slaughterhouse in New Jersey. Their names were James, Billy, Mickey, and The Situation. They really hated working, so they decided one Saturday that they would meet in a park and beat the crap out of each other. Mickey, being the funny one, thought that I would be a great idea to bring a pig's head and throw it at the other men. So they all met up on Saturday and they started to fight. Mickey threw the pigs head at Billy, and then Billy threw it at James who threw it to The Situation. Soon enough, the boys had reinvented rugby, but had given it a much more confusing name-- football. It was ingenious, why try to limit the name football to something that would make sense like a sport where your foot is the ball? (new idea for an extreme sport; ESPN or FOX Reality Channel, here I come) The sport grew into an American... Sport. I guess you can't call it a past-time. So that is the history.

Ca-Ching!

Eventually football was so big, that people started to actually like the "sport". My guess is that American advertising started out when Budweiser's slogan was "The Beer that Will Eventually Make Milwaukee Moderately to Fashionably Famous, So Drink A Lot of It While Watching Football". The NFL decided that they wanted in and started to make a large franchise. Most people would buy a jersey or a cap, but then they decided, why would somebody just want a cap, when they can have a toilet seat that has their favorite player's face on it? And why can't we, the NFL, make it cost them $50.00 to sit on it? The funny thing about it is that people did pay for it. Almost screaming to the world,"I AM WHITE TRASH! I HAVE A TOILET BOWL CLEANER WITH DAN MARINO'S FACE ON IT!" My guess is that there is over 50 billion not spent on cancer research or removing Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from the airwaves being spent on NFL merch. How sad is this?

I'm So Lonely...

Why is football so popular? It is because it alienates the losers and makes the losers that look cool look cooler. The NFL has brainwashed you to believe that if you like football, you are cool. And that is true, when you hear about somebody talking to somebody about football, you think that person is way awesome until you realize that eventually the players they are talking about will be gone next season. They simply have memorized facts about a game so that they can talk to somebody else about the facts of the game. It seems about as meaningless to me as somebody saying "Did you see that Monopoly game last night? Could you believe that Tracy McGrady had to pass go AND NOT receive 200 dollars?!" We force children to like the sport because we know that if they do not, then they won't be accepted (me being the case in point). We have parties centered around football games so we can drink beer and eat--two of the things that we would do alone, but if feels so much better to be with others. (Not that I have even come close to touching alcohol, I am just saying) We have force fed ourselves football to make ourselves feel like we aren't lonely, but the funny thing is that when we are watching football on TV, we are not meeting new friends, we simply are spending time in front of the TV, thus creating a vicious cycle that the NFL has created.

Well, that was long-winded. Spread the news about the evils of football to all of the corners of the Earth.

Top Tens of 2009

So yesterday I posted this up to Facebook, but I decided to put it here. You know, just so I can say that I did.

Top Ten Movies That I Wanted To See But I Didn't (In no apparent order)
10. Avatar
9. The Hangover
8. Public Enemies
7. The Goods
6. Night at the Museum... I Guess
5. Fanboys
4. Watchmen
3. Land of the Lost
2. Funny People
1. Old Dogs

Top Ten Songs That Really Should Never Have Been
10. Poker Face by Lady Gaga
9. Sugarland in general
8. Boom Boom Pow by The Black-Eyed Peas
7. Right Round by Flo Rida
6. I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
5. Party In the U.S.A. by Miley Cyrus
4. All the Right Moves by OneRepublic
3. Single Ladies by Beyoncé
2. LoveGame by Lady Gaga
1. Joey by Sugarland (honestly they must play this song to euthanize dogs)

Top Ten Most Overplayed Songs of 2009
10. LoveGame by Lady Gaga
9. Down by Jay Sean
8. Tik ToK by Satan
7. Party in the U.S.A. by Miley Montana
6. Boom Boom Pow by The Black Eyed Peas
5. Poker Face by Lady Gaga
4. Right Round by Flo Rida
3. Show Me What I'm Looking For by Carolina Liar
2. I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas
1. Fireflies by Owl City

Top Ten TV Shows That I Hoped Would Get Cancelled
10. Lie To Me
9. Phinius and Pherb
8. Gossip Girl
7. The Cleveland Show
6. Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
5. American Idol
4. Dancing with the Stars
3. So You Think You Can Dance?
2. Bones
1. Glee

Ten TV Shows That Did Get Renewed
10. Lie To Me
9. Phinius and Pherb
8. Gossip Girl
7. The Cleveland Show
6. Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
5. American Idol
4. Dancing with the Stars
3. So You Think You Can Dance?
2. Bones
1. Glee

Ten Reasons Why I'm Irritated
10. Lie To Me
9. Phinius and Pherb
8. Gossip Girl
7. The Cleveland Show
6. Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
5. American Idol
4. Dancing with the Stars
3. So You Think You Can Dance?
2. Bones
1. Glee

Ten Reasons Why David Letterman Shouldn't Be On the Air Anymore
10. His show is in New York.
9. His sidekick is a knockoff of Phil Collins.
8. He's not on at 10/9 C/P.
7. His jokes are irrelevant. Bill Clinton still hates him for making jokes about him and Monica.
6. He's not Irish.
5. He looks like David Letterman.
4. He still talks about Sarah Palin's daughter.
3. How many times have his kids been kidnapped?
2. You'll never be able to see Joaquin Phoenix again thanks to him.
1. He has more mistresses than Tiger Woods.

16 Reasons Why Tiger Woods Won't Be Having a Good Year
Mistress #1
Mistress #2
Mistress #3
Mistress #4
Mistress #5
Mistress #6
Mistress #7
Mistress #8
Mistress #9
Mistress #10
Mistress #11
Mistress #12
Mistress #13
Mistress #14
Mistress #15
Mistress #16

Happy New Year!

Time to Post!

So I was coming home tonight when all of the sudden, my left brain told my right brain to write a blog post on my seldom-used blog. You know when that happens? No... Not really? Ok...

Now into the interesting stuff.... If you haven't noticed, I am very awkward. Let's look over some of the most awkward moments of these 17 and 1/2 years. Now some of you who really know me might say," Justin! You've been alive for only 16.97534247 years!" To that I respond thank you, and most of all very accurate! (By the way, I welcome this kind of accuracy. My Physics and Math teachers do not. Unfortunate.) I also say that my first awkward moment occurred when I was in the womb. Way back in the year of 1992.

It was the booming nineties. A time where the dot com era was so far away, nobody would ever believe that there would be a place where one could show how insecure they were by the number of cyber-friends they had. Euro Disney had just opened and nobody was there. Clinton and Monica were still on the campaign trail, making love while Hillary worked on molding her hair. This is a random video I found on a website. Of the entire year of 1992, they chose my birthday to commemorate this year.

My parents found out that they were having another baby--a girl. Nicole, her name would be. Ah yes, Nicole is a fine name for a girl--if it's a girl. So while my mom was having the kid, she thought it was a girl... Until she got handed the child and it was a boy. (I'm still working on the theory that I was switched out for some other baby. That is if I can get my P.I. Gene Parmesan to get me some info.) Anyways, that was awkward. So, those who say I was born awkward have always been right... I guess.

I cannot think of any more awkward things about my life at the moment, so we'll pick up and switch subjects. (Can you do that? Is there such a thing as blog etiquette?) I want to go back to things that happened the day that I was born. Here goes! BOOM! I have a big one. Nobody can beat this! The first book was published on my birthday. So who cares if you share a birthday with anybody, I was born 540 years after the Bible was published. (Side not, I share a birthday with T-Pain!) Johnny Carson won an Emmy... Just thought that you might want to know. Ok, I've run out of funny. This was a truly uninspired blog post.

Music Taste: The Goulash of Flavor

I have written about 50 first lines to this blog post, but I'll spare you the undoubtedly boring task of reading them. In essence, I was trying to say that people keep on egging me on to write, so write I will.

Today (mostly the past hour) I have been thinking of blog topics that can explain who I am. I thought about a blog post of Apple, Disneyland, and Food. None of these really were what I wanted to talk about. So I looked on the desk and there was a CD. I knew what I should write about right then: music. Music is powerful stuff. Like the Pope or Arnold Schwarzenegger, music can change your attitude or even tell you that you are indeed a "girly man". The singing part of music was invented by the cavemen, and yes, it did go like this-

After singing was nailed, music came next.

Bach, Beethoven, Wagner; these names might sound familiar but have little relevance to music itself. No, it wasn't until 1987 that music had it's first legend. As the 80's were dying down and there was little hope that there would be a single that could top the charts, Rick Astley broke into the scene and produced this gem.

Later in life, this song would gain popularity with the "RickRolling Phenomenon".

Now that we are done with the history of music according to me, I will tell you of my favourite music. (PS- If you are reading and still know what I'm talking about, congrats! Again you've won absolutely nothing!)(PSS- Notice that I used the British instance of favorite. I'll do that sometimes!)(PSSS- Don't read anything after this.)(PSSSS- You're still reading! I've got you now!)(PSSSSS- Keep reading.)

Collective Soul

Let me just say that I leave my music tastes to my friend Jordan. He introduces me to music and I expand on what he shows me. I first heard of Collective Soul because Jordan kept playing this song.

I then took that song and kept listening until I got to where I could listen to it all day. Then, I found a whole bunch of Collective Soul on my computer and soon, this was my new favorite song.

Why Pt. 2 (Video) - Collective Soul

I now enjoy a multiplicity of their music.

Van Halen

Like any respectable person, I needed to have a little more than just rock in my musical diet. (Remember, this is all about musical taste? Look at who just made an analogy!!!) I turned to Jordan and he disappointed. Showing me this song, I started to like the band and have been stuck on rock ever since.

Who couldn't like that delightful riff?

That's enough to prove the point that I like music.

I also enjoy the Beatles, but this post has taken far too long for me to write so I will sum up with a final sentence. Ok, it might be more because I want to rant about something like Geraldo Riviera.

Photo Reference

Also, DANGER!

His mustache is said to be 5X stronger than his actual strength. I'd believe it. Really.

Alright, I have this to say. I have a pet peeve when people use the wrong instance of the word "there". Like this week, I signed a contract in work that said "All employees are required to keep there work area clean." This annoys me as I have had to know the difference for over 9 years.

Anyways, stay classy........ Internet????

My First Post

As I can find nothing to blog about on my first post, I thought that I would start out with a picture introduction. Here goes....

This first picture explains a lot about me. (P.S. I'm the one in the green) I love sleep. I have a great dog named Lucky who also loves to sleep.I also have a brother, Nate, who loves to sleep as well. Moving on.

This is my father. He's a great guy and I love him very much. He's just... Out of the ordinary. Exhibit A-

My dad picking up twine at our ranch is a common practice. He's cited the activity as being "Relaxing" and "Less trailer trashy". Last week he went down and got a whole truck load of twine. I dare say that he had a heyday. (No pun intended)

Ah yes, exhibit two is a curious practice of being very OCD. View, if you will, how everything is in order, and if your eyes are good enough, then check out how the cereal goes from smallest to largest. Very funny if I do say so myself.

This is my mom who I love very much as well. She has a great ability to smile even though everything is going wrong. The picture above is a great example. My dad gave her this as a joke and she really liked it. Actually, I'm not sure...

This is her at Christmas. Although Halloween is her favorite holiday, she seems happier at Christmas. That would be why I included two pictures of the holiday instead of one.

This is my mom about two years ago. She really likes to wear that hat and has done so since 2006. I don't think she fails to put it on any time that she goes outside.

This is my sister, Lizzy and her family. The blondish brownish child is Andrew and the dark haired one is Jaxson.Although these pictures are over three years old, I think this best sums up the relationship between Andy and J. It makes me laugh every time I see it.

This is my other sister Kristin. (By the way, a special thanks to her for providing the pictures!) She really loves this whole "self portrait" thing. Let's take journey through the many faces of Kris, shall we?

Droopy-eye Kristin.

Camper Kristin.

Sunglasses Kristin.

I loved the idea so much that I tried it out!

Very serious!

This is my brother Nate. You might remember him from the first picture above. Nate loves the outdoors. This is him up in the Olympic mountains last year.
This is him climbing up rocks down by our ranch.
This is him really climbing rocks a few years ago. He's a real mountaineer!

And at long last there is me! I enjoy Apple products, Disneyland, and a good glass of milk with pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. Please stay tuned to my blog to see if I actually write anything after this post. Plus, if you have made it this far down the blog post, you have won the prize of absolutely nothing. You just wasted five minutes, but I do hope you enjoyed the journey as much as I did!

P.S.- A special thanks to Kris for the pictures again.

+ P.S. to my family- Don't take offense to this, I wrote it in good humor and I love you all! :)